Goodbye Jay, Hello Conan

As you probably know by now, Jay Leno is leaving The Tonight Show, and Conan will be taking over as host.  I love Conan, so this makes me very happy.  Jay Leno fans also have something to be happy about–now they won’t have to stay up so late to see him as he’ll be starting a new talk show, set to air weekdays at 10pm.

In honor of this momentous historical occasion (hee hee), I’ve written some commemorative poetry…

Goodbye Jay, Hello Conan (The Tonight Show)
by Edie Montgomery-Pool
 

Goodbye, Jay
I never watched you anyway
Your jokes aren’t really my style
They rarely made me crack a smile
 

Conan – hi!
You’re a funny funny guy
The moment I heard you’d be the new star
I programmed you into my DVR

And for those of you who like funny haikus (and who doesn’t love a funny haiku)…

Jay Leno Leaves The Tonight Show
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

 

So long, Jay Leno
Your giant chin will fill my
TV screen no more

_______________

(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000. Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used. For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂

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Twins Have Different Dads (I Thought Only Dogs Could Do That)

Here’s something I’ve known for awhile:  puppies in the same litter can be fathered by different dogs.  Here’s something I just found out:  humans can have twins fathered by different fathers!!  At least that’s what a recent NY Daily News article is reporting.

Apparently, Mia Washington didn’t know that either until she found out the hard way when her infidelity resulted in double-daddy twins.  No fertility drugs were being used, so the odds of that happening must have been staggering.  What a way to get caught.

Read the whole story at the link above.

If I Won the Lottery – Cute Poem

The only time I play the lottery is out of fear.  If my co-workers all go in on a ticket, I’ll opt in.  I don’t want to be the only fool still drudging away in my little cubicle while everyone else is off vacationing in Tahiti.  I think of it as insurance money.

Even though I rarely play, when I do, I start thinking what would I do with the money?  Everyone probably has that little what-if moment when they fantasize about life after the lottery.  Poet, Jim Desmond, has turned that what-if moment into a poem titled Winning the Lottery:

If I could win the lottery, a gross and vast amount,
I’d open up an easy access high interest account.
I’d choose a house that’s big enough for me, the kids and wife.
I’d cast aside my worries and I’d live a stress free life.
A nice flash car to drive around, some smart designer clothes,
I’d give my wife all she desired and every day a rose…

Go to Jim’s Winning the Lottery Poem page to read the entire poem, or visit his poem directory page to read more of this work.

So, what would I do if I won the lottery?  The biggest thing for me is what I wouldn’t do–work.  As for what I would do, maybe foster dogs in need of a home, write a novel (even if it turned out to be crappy), help my dad with his bills, and hire a personal trainer.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Roald Dahl’s Version of Little Red Riding Hood

I like funny poetry, and I like weird poetry, so of course I absolutely love Roald Dahl’s poetry.  I recently came across a poem of his I hadn’t seen before called Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf.  Here’s an excerpt:

He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I’m going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma
She’s going to taste like caviar.

Visit the link to read the entire poem or go to amazon.com to view a list of Roald Dahl’s poetry books, including Revolting Rhymes and Vile Verses.

Bumper Stickers, Road Rage, and Cheesy Advertising

Did you know that the more bumper stickers a person has on their car, the more prone they are to road rage?  Those were the findings of a recent Colorado State University study, according to an article regarding bumper stickers on nwautos.com.

The article also traces the origin of bumper stickers back to an advertising campaign in Kansas City in the 1930s.  Leave it to us Americans to invent the cheesiest form of advertising ever.

Anyway, I thought the article was interesting.  Check it out if you have a minute.

Star Trek Poetry

Found this cute page of Star Trek poems by poet, Karen Johnson.  Here you’ll find not one, but two tribble poems.  The first one starts out:

One little Tribble,
“It’s looking kind of blue,
Do you think perhaps it’s hungry?”
How cute! Now there’s two.

For Star Trek poetry of a more literary nature, try Jane’s geocities page where you can read Built On The Sand, a poem about the time Spock spends on Earth grieving Kirk’s death.  Here is a small piece from that poem:

noon heat drives me
helpless as mercury, up
wave-sculpted rocks. I look down
and out of glassy stagnation my own face
looks back, limpets lying
in my reflected eyes.

Read the entire poem here, or see all of Jane’s Star Trek fiction and poetry here.  (Look for the “rating” of each title on the index page before clicking through; Built On The Sand is rated “G.”)

And of course for all lovers of Star Trek and Poetry, there’s always Ode to Spot, Data’s poem about his cat, an all-time favorite:

“Felis Catus, is your taxonomic nomenclature,
an endothermic quadruped carnivorous by nature?
Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses
contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses.”

 

“I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
a singular development of cat communications
that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection.”

 

 “A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aide in locomotion,
it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.”

 

 “O Spot, the complex levels of behaviour you display
connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.”

Dark Poem – I Need You

A poem by moi…

I Need You
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

 

hold me

      until i

            suffocate

 

crush me

      leave no bone

            unturned

 

self hatred

      is my

            savior

 

but i cannot

      destroy

            this thing called me

                  alone

 

                        i need you

_______________

(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000. Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used. For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂