Two MicroPoems about Two Wasted Girls at a Concert

Saw two things at a concert last weekend that were poem-worthy.  1) Really skinny girl (like drugged-out skinny) dancing spastically (like drugged-out dancing) fall on her face.  2) Middle-aged woman bend over, put her hands on the ground, and shake her (huge) butt in the air, then stand up and proceed to smack her own (huge) butt repeatedly.

Thank you, substance abusers, for the inspiration.  Now, please go get some counseling while I write these poems in your honor.

 

Messed up rock concert girl,
Spin-art eyes awash with chemical bliss;
Spastic, writhing dance,
Releasing demons to the beat.

by Edie Montgomery-Pool

 

Liquid denial.
Each sip washes a year from her memory but not her body.
Her sexy drunken dance now just a
Drunken dance.

by Edie Montgomery-Pool

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6 Cute and/or Funny Haiku Books You Want to Buy

work is a circus
I trapeze without a net
surrounded by clowns

               –Edie Montgomery-Pool

I love haiku, especially when it has a funny or quirky angle.  If you’re feeling the love for haiku, too, here is a list of books that might interest you.  (These would also make great gifts for that person you know well enough to feel obligated to buy a present, but don’t know quite well enough to figure out what the heck they’d want.)

Goodbye Jay, Hello Conan

As you probably know by now, Jay Leno is leaving The Tonight Show, and Conan will be taking over as host.  I love Conan, so this makes me very happy.  Jay Leno fans also have something to be happy about–now they won’t have to stay up so late to see him as he’ll be starting a new talk show, set to air weekdays at 10pm.

In honor of this momentous historical occasion (hee hee), I’ve written some commemorative poetry…

Goodbye Jay, Hello Conan (The Tonight Show)
by Edie Montgomery-Pool
 

Goodbye, Jay
I never watched you anyway
Your jokes aren’t really my style
They rarely made me crack a smile
 

Conan – hi!
You’re a funny funny guy
The moment I heard you’d be the new star
I programmed you into my DVR

And for those of you who like funny haikus (and who doesn’t love a funny haiku)…

Jay Leno Leaves The Tonight Show
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

 

So long, Jay Leno
Your giant chin will fill my
TV screen no more

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(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000. Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used. For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂

Dark Poem – I Need You

A poem by moi…

I Need You
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

 

hold me

      until i

            suffocate

 

crush me

      leave no bone

            unturned

 

self hatred

      is my

            savior

 

but i cannot

      destroy

            this thing called me

                  alone

 

                        i need you

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(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000. Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used. For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂

What is Bromance?

Bromance is a slang term increasing in popularity, but what exactly does it mean?  Simon Dumenico wrote a funny article on bromance recently over at The Huffington Post.  He describes bromance this way:

“Homosexuality, of course, used to be known as the love that dare not speak its name–until, thanks to the gayification of pop culture, it became the love that wouldn’t shut the hell up. Now the man crush (a heterosexual male’s feelings of platonic love for another man) and the bromance (when those feelings are reciprocated) are coming out of the closet in a major way.”

Click the link above for the full article.

If you’re still not sure what bromance is, I wrote this poem to explain it to you…

Bromance
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

What is “bromance?”
You might say:
A love between two dudes
Not gay

There’s no dating,
No holding hands;
Just drunk guys stating,
“I love you man.”

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(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000. Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used. For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂

2008 Summer Olympics: The Short Version – The Games in Rhyme

Are the Summer Olympics taking up too much of your time and digital recording space?  Want to get right to the nitty gritty?  Here are several sports in the 2008 Olympic games, all recapped in 17 words or less.  This is a work in progress; I’ll add more as I watch more Olympics.

2008 Summer Olympics in Verse
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

The big red dragon
From seclusion unfurled
Opening its gates
To embrace the world

Phelps swam eight times
Eight times won gold
The world in awe
Watched history unfold

Olympic gymnastics
A glorious scene
China was fantastic
But nowhere near sixteen

Nastia Liukin
Put to the test
As all-around gymnast
She proved she’s the best

A beaming smile
From balance beam‘s ace
Shawn Johnson nailed it
And took first place

Yelena of Russia
Loved by crowds
Broke another world record
Pole vaulting the clouds

Volleyball‘s queens
Won every heat
Walsh and Misty May
Unfamiliar with defeat

A Jamaican giant
With an appropriate name
Made racing look easy
And Bolted to fame

As baseball and softball
Faded from view
BMX racing
Made its debut

In Tae Kwon Do
A national disgrace
That guy from Cuba
Kicked a ref in the face

In ping pong and diving
Hardly a nation
Could compete with China’s
World domination

James DeGale
Fighter from Britain
The middleweight champ
Despite being bitten

Through ten tough sports
He fought his way
World’s Greatest Athlete:
Bryan Clay

Allstars and small stars
Played as a team
For basketball greatness
And took back the dream

Feeling creative? Add your own verses in the comments section.  To read more of my poetry, visit the Edie Montgomery-Pool poetry section of this blog.

Edit: 8/23/08 Added verse 4, re: Nastia Liukin
Edit: 8/23/08 Added verse 5, re: Shawn Johnson
Edit: 8/23/08 Added verse 8, re: Usain Bolt
Edit: 8/24/08 Added verse 1, re: China
Edit: 8/24/08 Added verse 10, re: Angel Valodia Matos
Edit: 8/24/08 Added verse 12, re: James DeGale
Edit: 8/25/08 Added verse 9, re: baseball, softball, bmx
Edit: 8/25/08 Added verse 13, re: decathlon
Edit: 8/25/08 Added verse 14, re: basketball
Edit: 8/26/08 Added verse 11, re: tabble tennis, diving

Edit: 8/26/08:  This Olympic poem is complete now.  I might tweak a few words here and there in the next few weeks, but I’ve now written about all the topics I wanted to include.  It’s a very old tradition to commemorate the Olympics in poem, dating back to B.C., so it’s my great honor to be a tiny part of that grand tradition. 

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(You may reproduce this poem in part or whole, on or in a website, email, podcast, or broadcast; permission for electronic reproduction is granted on the provision that the website on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published.  You may also reproduce this poem in print material for which net profits do not exceed $1,000.  Author name must be included in any reproductions, and author must be notified whenever this poem is, or parts of this poem are, used.  For all other uses not mentioned here, just ask and I will most likely say yes.) 🙂

Laguna Sunset (A Poem)

So this poem I wrote has been traveling around on a sticky note for quite some time now, and I figured I’d better post it before I lost it.  It’s a Sappho, a vastly underused poetic form that I love for its unique rhythm and that I’m single-handedly trying to make popular again (and when I say “again,” I mean it hasn’t been all that much of a hot topic since literally B.C.).

It’s a short poem about Laguna Beach and the area I live in, Orange County, California, otherwise known as “The O.C.”

Laguna Sunset
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

Sun and ocean meet at the dusky seashore
Playing catch with streamers of rainbow ribbons
Every day they dance on the sand together
Children of eons

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I grant permission for this poem to be reprinted in full or in part electronically, provided the following conditions are met: 1) the author’s name is listed; 2) the site on which the poem is published is not a vanity publisher or a scam poetry contest which requires its “winners” to make a purchase or pay a fee before being published. I grant permission for this poem to be reprinted non-electronically (as in, paper) provided the previous two conditions are met, as well as 3) the publication is for either a charitable or non-profit event or organization and 4) no fee is charged for the publication in which the poem appears. A comment notifying me you have used this poem is appreciated but not required.