Professional Sarcasm — The Celebrity Interview

Ken Levine, well-known Hollywood director, writer, and producer (M.A.S.H., Cheers), penned a very funny and sarcastic piece on How to Interview a Celebrity.  He gives young entertainment journalists advice such as:

“Never EVER talk about yourself or bring up any topic other than her. She will stare at you in disbelief like you just killed her puppy.”

and

“Once the budding young diva starts yammering learn what is print-worthy and what is just utter brain-dead nonsense. Listen carefully because often you won’t be able to distinguish one from the other.”

The article appears on Levine’s Blog at the internet newspaper, The Huffington Post.  I also like his take on the backstage workings of American Idol.

Steve Jobs Freaks Out (But Not Really)

As regular readers know (or maybe don’t), I now run a fashion blog over at justaformality.com.  In searching for content for that blog, I came across a couple of articles that would be interesting for this blog, even for people who don’t give a crap about fashion.  The first one is a farcical interview between fashion journalist, Steven Heller, and Apple founder, Steve Jobs, which pokes fun at Jobs’ seemingly one-and-only outfit of jeans and a black turtleneck and which had me cracking up.

The other (again, tongue-in-cheek) article by Ken Levine is called How to Interview a Celebrity, from which this excerpt was taken:

“Never EVER talk about yourself or bring up any topic other than her. She will stare at you in disbelief like you just killed her puppy. A call to the publicist (who’s sitting at the next table with five of her best handlers) is certain to follow.”

When Death is Funny

I meant to post this around Halloween, so pretend like it’s a few days ago — lol.  Goblinville.com has some twisted, humorous pages, including one for epitahs:

“Here lies hypochondriac Rick
For once he was right
When he said he was sick”

and one for famous last words:

“Hey y’all…watch this!”

Read more at the links above.

Pickup Lines — Come-ons and Comebacks

InnocentEnglish.com has a list of the “best dumb, stupid, witty, and funny lines to pick up someone at a bar.”  Among them:

“I dropped a tear in the ocean, the day I find it is the day I’ll stop loving you.”

or

“Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.”

If you’ve ever been the “victim” of a bad come-on, go to the same site to view a list of clever comebacks, including this one:

“Man: ‘How do you like your eggs in the morning?’
Woman: ‘Unfertilized !'”

InnocentEnglish.com has a variety of random sites, including more humor pages, pictures of cute animals, videos, and celebrity photos.

You Had Me At Idiot

You Had Me at Idiot is a blog and a book, and Paul Stoecklein is a comedian and a blogger and a poet.  He writes poetry for people who hate poetry.  Here is an excerpt from The Dreamy Dream Poem:

“The effervescent silver moonlight danced in the air, or some crap like that.

And then… I saw something.

At first I didn’t know what it was.

But it turns out it was just this big ugly skank driving a minivan.

And she kept swerving over into my lane, almost hitting me, because she was talking on her stupid cell phone that she probably bought from some GED loser working at one of those kiosks that you see in the malls.”

And here is an excerpt from his blog post, The Trial of Adolph Calvin:

“For me, there are two warning signs not to trust a person. First, I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. Second, I don’t trust people who don’t appreciate the show Cops. Honestly, what could possibly be better than sitting on a couch with your dog, watching an overweight crack ho being chased down an alley by an overweight policeman and an overweight cameraman? That is art.”

Go to the main page of Paul’s blog, visit his website which includes a short video of him doing part of his comedy routine, or buy one of his books, Stand-Up Comedy Virgins or You Had Me At Idiot.