The 2010 Winter Olympics in Verse

(Edit:  Originally, I was going to document the majority of the sports in the 2010 Winter Olympics, but I just kind of flaked and now I’ve forgotten everything that happened.  So…yeah, I just ended up writing about one of the sports–snowboarding.)

Dedicated to the memory of Nodar Kumaritashvili
Georgian luger who died in a training run hours before the opening ceremony
World-class athlete, beloved son, kind-hearted soul
Taken from the world too suddenly, too soon

2010 Winter Olympics
by Edie Montgomery-Pool

Atop trucked-in ice and man-made powder
When Vancouver’s snowfall fell short
Amidst the breathtaking splendor of Canada’s beauty
The world gathered for the glory of sport

* * * * *

Men’s Halfpipe

Twenty-one healed bones and a mountain of talent
Was what Scotty Lago brought to his bronze-medal finish
And Peetu Piiroinen took silver that day
Much to the pride of the snowboarding Finnish

Yet nothing compared to the anticipation
Of one man’s daring acrobatic flight
The unfolding legend, the King of Cypress Mountain,
The Flying Tomato, Red Zepplin, Shaun White

With razor-sharp tricks at skyscraper heights
Like a tomahawk, he sliced through the competition
Then floated to the ground as if his board had wings
Landing himself in the gold medal position

At the top of the pipe, in sheer jubilation
Knowing the coveted prize had been won
He dropped in and pulled off a Double McTwist
1260 on the final run

* * * * *

Women’s Halfpipe

Kelly Clark thought she was Kelly Clarkson
And sang loudly before each run
It must have worked because she took home the bronze
When the women’s halfpipe was done

Bright had a dark moment when she teetered and fell
Leaving the door open for others to beat her
But Torah nailed it the next time, winning gold for Oz
With the silver awarded to Hannah Teter

If you like this poem, you might also want to take a look at my Summer 2008 Olympics poem.

8 Olympic Medal Categories I’m Taking it Upon Myself to Add

Olympic medals:  I’m handing my own out today, including Most Annoying Journalist Voice, Hottest Guy on the USA Swim Team, and Most Ridiculously Funny Summer Olympics Sport. Read on to find out who wins and who places.

 

1. Most Annoying Journalist Voice in the 2008 Summer Olympics

  • Olympic Gold — Whoever That Chick is Who Announces Synchronized Diving.  With a Nancy-Grace-like twang reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard, this Olympic announcer’s voice wins a gold medal for most irritating in the world. People are watching synchronized diving on mute because of her.
  • Olympic Silver — Alex Flanagan of CNBC.  This female Olympic journalist is beautiful, but she talks from the back of her throat. Possibly a close relative of Kermit the Frog; we’re running the DNA tests now.  
  • Olympic Bronze — Mary Carillo.  NBC Olympic correspondent, Mary Carillo, does those great, short segments on Chinese culture. Good journalist, terrible voice. It’s disconcerting to hear a man’s voice coming out of a woman’s body. I’m still a little startled by it every time I hear her speak, even though I’m expecting it now. 

2. Hottest Guy on the 2008 USA Olympic Swim Team

  • Olympic Gold — Matt Grevers.  In a surprise upset, Michael Phelps doesn’t get the gold this time. Instead, it goes to blonde 6’7″ cutie and real-life Olympic medalist, Matt Grevers, who won silver for the 100-meter backstroke.
  • Olympic Silver — Ben Wildman-Tobriner.  Biomechanical engineer, Stanford grad, and future doctor, USA Olympic swimmer Ben Wildman-Tobriner hasn’t won any Olympic medals in the pool, but he gets the silver from me on sheer good looks.
  • Olympic Bronze — Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps.  In a tie for the bronze medal are Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps. Ryan Lochte is best known for his sense of humor, quirky personality, and individual fashion sense. Michael Phelps is best known for being Michael Phelps.

3. Most Fun 2008 Summer Olympic Athletes to Watch

  • Olympic Gold — Michael Phelps.  Whether he’s sliding into the top spot by 1/100th of a second or wildly cheering on his Olympic teammates, Olympic phenomenon Michael Phelps is not only a swimming machine, he’s also a sure crowd pleaser.
  • Olympic Silver — Misty May Treanor & Kerri Walsh.  The May Walsh Olympic volleyball team seems to be unstoppable. The impossible plays Misty May and Kerri Walsh make are exciting to watch, and their deep friendship is evident on the court, which makes them an even more likeable pair.
  • Olympic Bronze — Girls Chinese Olympic Team.  It’s apparent to anyone with eyes that most of the Chinese 2008 Womens Summer Olympics gymnastics team is not even close to the required competing age of 16. But two things they definitely are: cute and talented. If 12-year-olds can perform world class gymnastics like that (and obviously they can), then perhaps the minimum age to qualify for Olympic gymnastics should be lowered. Which doesn’t in any way excuse the Chinese government’s lack of integrity during the 2008 Olympic gymnastics event, but I did enjoy watching those little girls, and the girls themselves have a lot to be proud of.

4. Most Ridiculously Funny Summer Olympics Sport

  • Olympic Gold, Silver, and Bronze all go to — Speed Walking.  Also takes the gold for gayest sport ever. They’re getting rid of softball and keeping Olympic Speed Walking? Really??

5. Most Painfully Slow Summer Olympic Event to Watch

  • Olympic Gold — Waterpolo.  I put my tivo on the first speed, and it was still too slow.
  • Olympic Silver — Cycling.  Unless someone falls spectacularly like the Korean cyclist did during the126km race, watching people pedal puts me into a coma.
  • Olympic Bronze — Marathon.  Can be grueling for both the runner and the audience. Although seeing if the 2008 Olympic runners drop dead from the insane amount of pollution in China might add an extra element of excitement to the 2008 Olympic games.

6. Most Underrated Summer Olympics Sport

By far, the “field” part of track and field is one of the more interesting areas of Olympic sports, yet we see a lot of track getting coverage on television, and very little field. It’s a shame this part of sports isn’t given more air time. Here are some deserving yet short-changed sports that need more media attention:

  • Olympic Gold — Pole Vaulting.  The people who do this daring and dangerous sport are always a little bit crazy; they have to be. There are so many ways to get hurt in pole vaulting, a sport where you’re upside down and perpindicular to the ground at one point, with no mat beneath you, flinging yourself into the air on a bendy, breakable stick.
  • Olympic Silver — Javelin.  There’s something inspiring about a sport that was probably played at the very first Olympics. The Olympic Javelin throw also has that cool, barbaric, Spartan “300” thing going for it.
  • Olympic Bronze — Hammer Throw.  I’d be afraid to be in the live audience on this one, but the Olympic Hammer Throw is a fascinating sport to watch…from a distance.

7. Olympic Athlete Most Likely to Say “You Know” 100 or More Times During a 3-minute Interview

  • Olympic Gold — Michael Phelps.  Yet again, the gold goes to, you know, Michael Phelps.

And last but not least…

8. Best Blog Post About the Olympics

Did I forget anything? Award your own Olympic medals in the comments section.

If you liked this post, you might also like:  2008 Summer Olympics: The Short Version – The Games in Rhyme